Banging on the cage
Thursday, November 10, 2011 at 05:05AM I was talking to a new friend yesterday, Joe Edelman, who asked me to design a tiny piece of an ambitious and awesome interactive experience he’s working on down in the Bay Area. Asked me to do something “personal and real and true”, and when I expressed a hope that I could meet such a standard he said, “Sure. Just keep not quite thinking of yourself as an artist. I think that might be the trick.”
Freedom.
I went to a concert tonight: They Might be Giants, the first famous band I ever saw live when I was 16, still around, still playin’, still puttin’ out records. The sound mix was bad and too loud and my ears are still ringing. The show was fine, we all bopped around, we all love the songs but magic wasn’t happening, at least for me, until the encore.
There’s this funny charade that we of North America (and maybe other places too, dunno) perform in which musicians who are well-known play their “last song” and leave the stage, and then we the audience demand that they return and play more for us and they do, and then they leave again but we know that if we ask hard enough they’ll come back again and they do, sometimes not even bothering to pretend that they’re surprised or flattered because we all know the script, we rehearse it every time. I go back and forth between finding this hilariously phony and elegantly polite. A whole roomful of people agreeing on the right way to conduct a complex social interaction is impressive.
Anyway, I was thinking about this while we hollered for them to come back the first time and they did; they started playing (and, kind of, looking for the first time all night like they were having fun) and it clicked, the music lifted me, and I joined the crowd, once an aggregation of discrete mildly obnoxious geek-hip individuals, now a sea of flesh and a wave of noise I was awash in. And I remembered what it meant to be a molecule of crowd, faces turned up to the too-bright lights, letting the too-loud music pound in our chests and our abdomens, flinging our bare insides before the band and begging, please, please let us forget ourselves. We love you. Take us away and leave the world behind. Please, gods of music, take us. We’re on your side, whatever side that might happen to be. And the reason I haven’t been to a live show in ages is because I forgot I was ever looking for that release, it’s been long enough since I felt it that I didn’t remember it was a thing you could feel. And shit doesn’t matter any more, and we can’t stand still and we don’t care who knows, and the boundaries of our flesh dissolve, and we occupy the whole room to the ceiling. Let me clarify that I was flat sober. I dissolved in that room. And what’s more, I think I used to do that more often.
And that brief, one or two-song glimpse of freedom stands in stark contrast to the way I am otherwise. It’s like turning on the light and realizing that the room I’m in is much much bigger than I thought it was when I was huddling in the dark, not daring to move for fear of bumping into walls.
There aren’t walls for miles.
And I think: Music. Fuck theatre. When a mediocre live show by a tired and long-touring band can thus lead me to the wild joyful edge of the selfhood cliff (and I can’t remember the last time a play did that for me) I realize a little of why I’m drifting away from the theatre. I don’t want to be told stories any more; I want to be scooped up, pulverized, and sprinkled on the moon. And all the trappings of life—home, job, friends, and especially this business of being an artist—seem just like that, like traps, like anchors holding me to the safe and loathsome ground.
This may or may not be a productive or healthy frame of mind.
But an angry, sad, frustrated, recently re-invigorated animal scratches at the inside of my ribcage. I want to go on retreat by myself for six months. Learn to really sing. Dance to actual instruments every night. I’m dying slowly in front of this goddamn computer screen. Let me out. Let me out. Let me out.
Reader Comments (6)
Guardiola's words, let Barcelona players under the heart. But there are also players irrepressible curiosity, they hope that the first time that the Real Madrid game results. In the locker room to leave, Harvey wear adidas f50 adizero trx soccer cleats and Fabregas wear nike tiempo legend iv soccer cleats at the Nou Camp in mix interview area in front of the TV and watched for a while Real Madrid and the battle of Valencia.
This week, Barcelona will be in the Champions League match against AC Milan. According to" daily sports newspaper" revealed,nike mercurial vapor superfly iii Guardiola decided to change the team's traditional habits. According to the Convention, Barcelona will play away game night flying back to Barcelona. Barcelona in the Primera Liga continues to implement this purpose, but in the Champions League will be changed.nike total 90 laser iv Champions League game after the team Barcelona will stay in the race for the night and to restore the physical condition, after the game the very next day to fly back to spain. Guardiola hoped the details, to adjust the physical condition,cheap nike soccer cleats he does not like the players immediately after the game suffered a long flight.
The national Derby starts in namely, Ronaldo wear nike ctr360 maestri ii elite soccer cleats gives his opinion. " As long as I have the opportunity, you will see the spanish. I didn't look at the Madrid Derby, but I know that Real Madrid won, and condition is very good, I think that Real Madrid this season will be a great success." Ronaldo wear nike total 90 laser iv soccer cleats continued," I can't say Barcelona or Real Madrid or Barcelona stronger has reached the level of Real Madrid, but I hope to win La Liga and the Champions trophy. Of course,cheap adidas soccer cleats I also hope that Real Madrid beat barcelona."
Ronaldo wear nike mercurial vapor superfly iii soccer cleats was in the 96 / 97 season for the club scoring 47 goals, he has 180 appearances for Real Madrid scored 104 goals. La Liga giants in two, Ronaldo wear nike tiempo legend iv soccer cleats feelings tend to which team? " I have played in the Barca, but I more like real madrid." Alien gives his answer.
Kaka wear tiempo legend iv soccer cleats to Real Madrid in the summer of 2009, has not played in Milan during the peak season, but Kaka wear total 90 laser soccer cleats apparent recovery, and hopefully to recapture the real main position. Nevertheless, about Kaka wear ctr360 maestri ii soccer cleats rumors continue media came from Spain and Italy, 4 of the" Rome sports newspaper" reported, Milan intends to July next year will be back at the San Siro card cassette. mercurial vapor superfly iii " Marca"," Aspen", the Spanish media also reproduced this message.
Milan the restart on Kaka wear adidas f50 adizero soccer cleats pursuit is because Berlusconi Berlusconi, the middle of November left Italy as prime minister, he is officially in December 14th as the Rossoneri president. adipure iv Berlusconi returns to Milan, also want to open two pound signings in 2012 January the introduction: Tevez, 2012 July, adipower predator Berlusconi wants to bring back the old Milan ace kaka.
In a recent period of time, Mesut Ozil wear ctr360 maestri soccer cleats at Real Madrid lost its main location. Because Mesut Ozil wear nike t90 soccer cleats was too lazy, he also criticized by Mourinho in person. But when accepts Turkey media interview, Mesut Ozil wear nike tiempo legend soccer cleats gave Mourinho highly, he will be regarded as second of his father.</p>
<p>" Mourinho is just like my father," Mesut Ozil wear mercurial superfly safari soccer cleats said," he is a great teacher, he has a strong personality, he cares for all players.
Mesut Ozil wear mercurial superfly ii soccer cleats has a Turkey origin, but the choice for the German effectiveness. In the European Cup, Mesut Ozil wear mercurial superfly iii soccer cleats has represented Germany against Turkey, this let many Turks very dissatisfied. " I and Turkey player, Shaheen wear nike mercurial vapor superfly safari iii soccer cleats and Altintop's relationship is very good, I in Germany will know Altintop wear nike tiempo legend iv elite soccer cleats, he 's like a brother to me. In Turkey, I had a wonderful holiday, visiting relatives and friends feeling good." Mesut Ozil wear nike ctr360 maestri ii elite soccer cleats did not want to become the enemy of Turkey," I didn't want to qualify for the European Championships in Turkey, I hoped to Germany and Turkey have qualified." cheap adidas soccer cleats
In 2012, Mesut Ozil wear adidas adipower predator soccer cleats has a kind of desire? " I think and Germany, Real Madrid win the championship trophy." Mesut Ozil wear adidas f50 adizero trx soccer cleats finally said, "the reason we lose to Barcelona, just as bad luck. But now we are still league leaders, we still have a 3 point lead." cheap nike soccer cleats
In an" CQ" magazine interview, Realmadrid commander tower Harvey Alonso wear adidas f50 adizero prime soccer cleats published his 2012 wishes:" for the new year, we are very excited, I think we will have a great achievement. Desire can realize, depends on many factors. We all want to know, hard work will get ideal results."discount soccer cleats
uot; My future in the league," this sentence, Mourinho wearadidas adipure soccer cleats has said many times. Although Florentino Perez insists Mourinho wear nike indoor soccer cleats will respect him and Real Madrid have signed the contract, but Bernabeu leader had to save to make countermeasures. According to the" Marca" disclosed, once Mourinho leaves Madrid, new Galacticos will chase Loew wear nike5 soccer shoes , and strive to make Germany coach Bernabeu became the new navigator.
In tactics, Loew wear nike mercurial soccer cleats more than Mourinho with Real Madrid tradition. Real Madrid for offensive football, has penetrated into the bones and blood. Mourinho wear cristiano ronaldo cleats in the national Derby in the three lumbar tactics, by many names dismissed as" deviates from the traditional club". While Loew wear nike mercurial soccer cleats had been advocating for offensive football, under his leadership, the German team has been attacking style. In football style increasingly conservative today, Loew wear ronaldinho cleats the German team to become an independent school. More importantly, the German team is not only good at attack, nike tiempo soccer cleats and therefore didn't weaken the defense. In recent years the competition, the German team performance has been very stable, the German tanks just because had the strongest in the history of Spain, nike total 90 soccer cleats was repeatedly came under the.
In Madrid, with a large number of young people. Compared to the more adept at" buy Star by star" Mourinho, Loew is a much better on the young people's culture. Mesut Ozil wear nike tiempo soccer cleats World Cup in South Africa a war becomes famous, grid plan, Neuer wear wayne rooney cleats and other young people, are also in the German team to stir up the beam. All these, are closely linked with Loew. In addition if Loew can Real Madrid's words, Mesut Ozil, Sami Khedira wear nike total 90 soccer cleats et al initiative will obviously get great promotion.
But for Real Madrid, Loew wear nike ctr360 soccer cleats had two big question mark. Loew has a German team to" Spanish million people under the above" status, whether he is willing to give up the German chariot 's? Two Loew wear cesc fabregas cleats is an excellent coach, but in the club but not the basic can prove yourself. In the 96 years to 04 years, 8 years, Loew wear adidas adipure soccer cleats in Germany, Turkey, Austria, the league has coached several clubs, he has only won a German Cup and a Austria League championship. The national team and club coach, is the face of the different race and media pressure, whether Loew wear adidas soccer cleats has enough strength to help Real Madrid on three fronts do many things at once? soccer cleats buy
After the beginning of the second quarter Bosh still be a trend which cannot be halted, this section is 3 minutes before he scored 7 points, 23 points ahead with 44-21 miami. The Bobcats offensive rebound, Henderson wear adidas adizero rose 2.5 basketball shoes and White combined to recover 6 points, but Cole, Wade wear adidas adizero rose 2 basketball shoes and Bosh join forces to fight 6 minutes before half time, 4 minutes 55 seconds when the heat's leading to 54-29. White feels good offense scored 6 points, Wade and James wear nike lebron 9 basketball shoes Anthony scoring assists back rival, Miami firmly maintain the score superiority, they are at the end of the first half 65-37 leading.
The heat's Bosh received 20 first half points and 6 rebounds, chuck Moss scored 13 points, Wade wear adidas adizero ghost basketball shoes had 10 points, 4 assists and 3 rebounds, James had 4 points, 5 rebounds and 3 assists; Bobcats received the White 16 points, Henderson got 6 points, Augustin wear adizero ghost basketball shoes got 2 points, 6 assists and 4 rebounds.
Dior three ball opened the third Festival, three offensive succeed James wear nike hyperdunk basketball shoes, heat three giants jointly made 12-2 a small climax, Miami increased their lead to 35 points. Wade wear nike rookie lwp basketball shoes in this section there are 8 minutes 23 seconds when the dunking, this is today his fourteenth points, his career total to score more than 14000 points. Brown had 5 points and led the team to recover 7 points, Bosh made two free throws to temporarily block the opponent,nike zoom kobe Walker led the team is also a wave of 6-2 against the tide, the Bobcats are still backward in 59-85. Chuck Moss responded with three ball, James wear nike hyperfuse basketball shoes win the 4 points, 28 points ahead of 92-64 Heat team to the end of the third quarter.
Great score leading heat without any slack, Wade wear adizero crazy light basketball shoes and Cole each had 4 points to the small climax led 10-2 to start the fourth quarter, with 102-66 leading by 36 points.adidas adizero rose The big score gap to allow the game to advance into the garbage time, two teams have all of their squad, the final heat team to 129-90 won.