Bonkers

This part is really hard: repetition. When something you've done once, in the freedom and spirit of improvisation, must return, and still feel as impulsive and connected as its original creation, over and over again, or with limitations and considerations that you didn't have the first time around; blocking.

I've been struggling with this for the last day and a half. And what I am learning right now is not how to do it right, but how to recognize my ego intruding on my work. I want to be good at it; I'm not. Of course not; this is the first time I have worked in exactly this way. But some demon inside me wants to be brilliant every moment, all the time, and has no patience for my floundering as I attempt this new form.

That demon: stupid. Henceforth, I promise to be gleefully bad at this work. I have to, in order to ever learn anything.

G'night!
Alissa

Comments

[yo'mama]

I am so touched by all your revelation, Alissa. I have grasped your lessons in my life theoretically, at best. And you are applying them.
I am so proud of you and so excited that you can go farther. Your ego work is the trickiest part. To that, I say, just being able to observe it in action is huge. Transformation occurs just by watching it happen.

Te Amo, mi hija. More than I can say.

[Rob]

oooo... this is such a tough one for me too! When I was in forensics in high school (the talking kind, not the medical kind) I did storytelling and found it really hard to be good at the same story told multiple times. The first time it felt fresh and spontaneous, after that it felt like I was telling a story about the story I had told before...